Craig Ferguson Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old Craig Ferguson quotes, Craig Ferguson sayings, and Craig Ferguson proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands. Craig Ferguson
I dont think theres anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isnt fashionable. Craig Ferguson
Sober alkies are often asked: When did you hit rock bottom but a more informed question might be: How many times did you hit rock bottom Craig Ferguson
I think in our desire to create a better America,we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling. Craig Ferguson
Late night is no different than making a film, really, except that it's faster, and if you do a crap one, you can do a better one tomorrow. Writing a novel and doing stand-up that stuff is very similar. Craig Ferguson
It turns out that speeding irresponsibly in a large truck, placing personal wealth ahead of the welfare of others, is one of the greatest sins in the Universe. Craig Ferguson
Equestrian and sailing are sports for people growing up on the mean streets of connecticut. Craig Ferguson
Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing. Craig Ferguson
During the Cold War, West Berlin was a exclave - a tiny outpost of liberalism surrounded by people who want to crush it. It was like Austin, Texas. Craig Ferguson
Some people take the spelling bee very seriously. These people are called "parents of children in the spelling bee." They're trying to make up for their own childhood of crushed dreams and misspelled words. Craig Ferguson
Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness. Craig Ferguson
Pies were invented 12,000 years ago by the Egyptians. It was an easy way to preserve food that would be carried over long distances. They were like ancient Slim Jims. Craig Ferguson
The Universe is very, very big. It also loves a paradox. For example, it has some extremely strict rules. Rule number one: Nothing lasts forever. Not you or your family or your house or your planet or the sun. It is an absolute rule. Therefore when someone says that their love will never die, it means that their love is not real, for everything that is real dies. Rule number two: Everything lasts forever Craig Ferguson
Its easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket. Craig Ferguson
I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies. Craig Ferguson
For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you the world. Have fun blowing it up. Craig Ferguson
Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys. Craig Ferguson
Time is only linear for engineers and referees. Craig Ferguson
I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving. Craig Ferguson
If a man doesn't know how to dance he doesn't know how to make love, there I said it! Craig Ferguson
I got sober. I stopped killing myself with alcohol. I began to think, 'Wait a minute— if I an stop doing this, what are the possibilities? And slowly it dawned on me that it was maybe worth the risk. Craig Ferguson