Daniel Handler Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old Daniel Handler quotes, Daniel Handler sayings, and Daniel Handler proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

It is one of life's bitterest truths that bedtime so often arrives just when things are really getting interesting. Daniel Handler
I think pirates, like astronauts, particularly for a boy, are always kind of worth thinking about. Daniel Handler
All love gets over, and we must get over it. Daniel Handler
Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make, bombs, for instance, or strawberry shortcake, if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble. Daniel Handler
The difference between a house and a home is like the difference between a man and a woman-- it might be embarrassing to explain, but it would be very unusual to get them confused. Daniel Handler
If you go too fast you might not notice everything. On the other hand, you don't want to be late. Daniel Handler
Bad circumstances have a way of ruining things that would otherwise be pleasant. Daniel Handler
If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. Daniel Handler
What happens in a certain place can stain your feelings for that location, just as ink can stain a white sheet. Daniel Handler
They say love's like a bus, and if you wait long enough another one will come along, but not in this place where the buses are slow and most of the cute ones are gay. Daniel Handler
Sometimes even in most unfortunate of lives there will occur a moment or two of good. Daniel Handler
Appearance matters a great deal because you can often tell a lot about people by looking at how they present themselves. Daniel Handler
Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them, you find more than you ever dreamed you'd see. Daniel Handler
Taking one’s chances is like taking a bath, because sometimes you end up feeling comfortable and warm, and sometimes there is something terrible lurking around that you cannot see until it is too late and you can do nothing else but scream and cling to a plastic duck. Daniel Handler
Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator. Daniel Handler
Announcing your death should be like announcing that you are a lunar moth: It must be done quietly or it will not be believed. Daniel Handler
Every time you enter a library you might say to yourself, "The world is quiet here," as a sort of pledge proclaiming reading to be the greater good. Daniel Handler
Your initial opinion on just about anything may change over time. Daniel Handler
Being afraid of hurricanes is perfectly rational because they can be quite sinister and destructive. But a fear of real estate agents, a term which here means 'people who assist in the buying and selling of houses,' would be an irrational fear. Daniel Handler
School spirit' is a curious term. The phrase might sound as if it refers to a ghost or other undead phantasm haunting an educational establishment like very old gum clinging to a trophy case. What 'school spirit' actually refers to is the belief one particular school is better than another. Daniel Handler
School spirit' is a curious term. The phrase might sound as if it refers to a ghost or other undead phantasm haunting an educational establishment like very old gum clinging to a trophy case. What 'school spirit' actually refers to is the belief one particular school is better than another. Daniel Handler
Shyness is a curious thing, because, like quicksand, it can strike people at any time, and also, like quicksand, it usually makes its victims look down. Daniel Handler