Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous
old David Letterman quotes, David Letterman sayings, and David Letterman proverbs, collected over the years from a variety
of sources.'
Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.David Letterman
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When you think about flying, it's nuts really. Here you are at about 40,000 feet, screaming along at 700 miles an hour and you're sitting there drinking Diet Pepsi and eating peanuts. It just doesn't make any sense. David Letterman
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New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.David Letterman
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Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.David Letterman
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When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat!David Letterman
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Fathers Day, when you get that lethal combination of alcohol and new power tools.David Letterman
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New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.David Letterman
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There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.David Letterman
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Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.David Letterman
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Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.David Letterman
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The best part about holiday parties is the alcohol. You have a couple of drinks and you tell your coworkers and your superiors what you really think about them. And then the fun begins.David Letterman
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Here's what we know about Santa. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good. I think he's with the NSA.David Letterman
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Here's what we know about Santa. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good. I think he's with the NSA.David Letterman
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Everybody was upset that Vladimir Putin was missing. He was in Switzerland with his girlfriend. She had a baby in Switzerland because in Russia childbirth is not covered by Putin-care.David Letterman
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You know what I love best about baseball? The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt - and that's just in the hot-dogs.David Letterman
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That's the first thing they teach you in bowling, by the way. Don't press the ball against your nose. The other one is don't lick the pins.David Letterman
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Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.David Letterman
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People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not True. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.
David Letterman
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Celebrities love the season of goodwill to all men. No need to put up Christmas lights—they just crank up the power on the electric fence until it's white hot. David Letterman
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At the Christmas office party, you're supposed to sit naked on the copier machine, not the shredder. David Letterman
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There just isn't enough televised chess.David Letterman
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New York is great. If you're here and want a one of a kind souvenir, be sure to take home the police sketch of your assailant.David Letterman