Jay Leno Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old Jay Leno quotes, Jay Leno sayings, and Jay Leno proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

Ambition beats genius 99% of the time Jay Leno
I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder. Jay Leno
A new study found that people who are depressed have a greater risk of stroke. Well that should cheer them up. Jay Leno
Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? Jay Leno
New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. Jay Leno
Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal. Jay Leno
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. Jay Leno
New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. Jay Leno
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. Jay Leno
You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh. Jay Leno
Starbuck's is going to start selling instant coffee. This is for people who want the quality of Sanka, but want to pay the high Starbuck's price. Jay Leno
A Christmas tree, the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead. Jay Leno
If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology. Jay Leno
If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough. Jay Leno
Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal. Jay Leno
Today is Valentine's Day--or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day! Jay Leno
They say hot dogs can kill you. How do you know it's not the bun? Jay Leno
The entire spring and summer line from Marc Jacobs was stolen on the way to the fashion show in Paris. The thief is considered armed and fabulous. Jay Leno
When they said "Make love, not war" at Woodstock, they never imagined that one would become as dangerous as the other. Jay Leno
My wife loves Europe, but to me it's a bad day at a theme park. Jay Leno
British scientists say they have developed a super broccoli that can help fight heart disease. You know, if you want to fight heart disease, why don't you come up with a food people will actually eat? Like a super glazed doughnut. Jay Leno
Kentucky Fried Chicken.. KFC... Keep Fooling Customers. Jay Leno
Family planning experts are now recommending giving men vasectomy gift cards for the holidays. Talk about taking the jingle out of the bells. Jay Leno
Researchers at Harvard say that taking a power nap for an hour in the afternoon can totally refresh you. They say by the time you wake up you'll feel so good, you'll be able to start looking for a new job. Jay Leno
Women get a little more excited about New Year's Eve than men do. It's like an excuse: You get drunk; you make a lot of promises you're not going to keep; the next morning as soon as you wake up you start breaking them. For men, we just call that a date. Jay Leno
Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal. Jay Leno
First there's the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring..soon after..comes suffer..ing! Jay Leno
The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up. Jay Leno
As you know, Arizona recently passed the toughest anti-immigration bill in American history. The idea behind this bill is to drive illegal immigrants out of Arizona and back to their homeland in Los Angeles. Jay Leno
All I ask is that you tip your waiters and waitresses. We have to turn this situation around. Jay Leno