Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous
old Johnny Carson quotes, Johnny Carson sayings, and Johnny Carson proverbs, collected over the years from a variety
of sources.'
New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most of it unsolved. Johnny Carson
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.Johnny Carson
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.Johnny Carson
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.Johnny Carson
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Mail your packages early, so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.Johnny Carson
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.Johnny Carson
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Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.Johnny Carson
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New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.Johnny Carson
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The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.Johnny Carson
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.Johnny Carson
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.Johnny Carson
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.Johnny Carson
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The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.Johnny Carson
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The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.Johnny Carson
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When turkeys mate they think of swans.Johnny Carson
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In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.Johnny Carson
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The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.Johnny Carson
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Happiness is being stuck in an elevator and discovering the ravishing blonde with you is a liquor salesman with a case of samples.Johnny Carson
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.Johnny Carson
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The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.Johnny Carson
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.Johnny Carson
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Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.Johnny Carson
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.Johnny Carson
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.Johnny Carson
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imaginedJohnny Carson
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Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.Johnny Carson