Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous
old funny baby quotes, funny baby sayings, and funny baby proverbs, collected over the years from a variety
of sources.
Father asked us what was God's noblest work, Anna said men, but I said babies. Men are often bad but babies never are.Louisa May Alcott
1
I don't dislike babies, though I think very young ones rather disgusting.Queen Victoria
0
Being pregnant is an occupational hazard of being a wife.Queen Victoria
0
A child will fall asleep in the car five minutes before you reach your destination.Murphy
1
When you need to carry a child, he or she will want to walk. When you want them to walk they will want to be carried.Murphy
1
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.Joan Rivers
0
Children are great observers of life. They say many funny, strange, surprising things about everything and with an honesty that can give pause to their wisdom.Martin Nadergaard Andersen
1
Very new things and very old things are much alike. Everything is a circle. Both ends meet. There is nothing much older or more wrinkled-looking than a baby just born.Monica Shannon
0
I have no time to grow old...I am too busy for that. It is very idle to grow old.George Macdonald
1
I can't decide if I want a baby. My friends are like, 'Oh, you'll learn this great stuff, like how to survive on two hours' sleep.' If I want to learn that I'll just become a political prisoner.Cathryn Michon
0
I can't have children because I have white couches.Carrie Snow
1
Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.Erma Bombeck
0
I wonder why they say you have a baby. The baby has you. Gallagher
1
Having a baby is like having an eight-pound to-do list. Every moment of the day is filled with something to feed, wipe, bathe, or put down.Kathleen Laccinole
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I used to be excellent. Now that I have a baby and I couldn't tell you what day it is.Gwyneth Paltrow
1
I've got two wonderful children— and two out of five ain't bad.Henry Youngman
0
We went all out with new things for our first child and the second one had nothing but hand-me-downs. The bronzed baby shoes almost killed him.Phyllis Diller
1
If this baby's half as bad as our least bad one, we're still ruined.Hal (Malcolm in the Middle)
1
Children: You spend the first two years of their life teaching them how to walk and talk. The next sixteen? Spent telling them to sit down and shut up.Manhardeep Singh
1
Some babies are sweet and pink as peaches; / others are wrinkled, and scream like herons; / dispositions not optional / all sales final.Barbara Crooker
0
A baby's cry is precisely as serious as it sounds.Jean Liedloff
2
A baby is a blank check made payable to the human race.Barbara Christine Seifert
1
Every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last.Charles Dickens
1
A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.Mark Twain
1
Having my baby fall asleep in my arms takes away all of my worries and stresses. A sense of complete and total peace comes over me.Maria Jose Ovalle
1
When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: 'Fetch!'.Bruce Lansky
1
Having a baby is like suddenly getting the world's worst roommate.Anne Lamott
1
Having a baby is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.Carol Burnett
0
Babies are always more trouble than you thought and more wonderful.Charles Osgood
1
Having a baby is one of the most wonderful things in your life, as well as the hardest thing in your life.Nuno Bettencourt
1
A baby is a wishing well. Everyone puts their hopes, their fears, their pasts, their two cents in.Elizabeth Bard
1
The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants.Johnny Depp