Funny Baby Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny baby quotes, funny baby sayings, and funny baby proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

Father asked us what was God's noblest work, Anna said men, but I said babies. Men are often bad but babies never are. Louisa May Alcott
I don't dislike babies, though I think very young ones rather disgusting. Queen Victoria
Being pregnant is an occupational hazard of being a wife. Queen Victoria
A child will fall asleep in the car five minutes before you reach your destination. Murphy
When you need to carry a child, he or she will want to walk. When you want them to walk they will want to be carried. Murphy
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. Joan Rivers
Children are great observers of life. They say many funny, strange, surprising things about everything and with an honesty that can give pause to their wisdom. Martin Nadergaard Andersen
Very new things and very old things are much alike. Everything is a circle. Both ends meet. There is nothing much older or more wrinkled-looking than a baby just born. Monica Shannon
I have no time to grow old...I am too busy for that. It is very idle to grow old. George Macdonald
I can't decide if I want a baby. My friends are like, 'Oh, you'll learn this great stuff, like how to survive on two hours' sleep.' If I want to learn that I'll just become a political prisoner. Cathryn Michon
I can't have children because I have white couches. Carrie Snow
Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born. Erma Bombeck
I wonder why they say you have a baby. The baby has you. Gallagher
Having a baby is like having an eight-pound to-do list. Every moment of the day is filled with something to feed, wipe, bathe, or put down. Kathleen Laccinole
I used to be excellent. Now that I have a baby and I couldn't tell you what day it is. Gwyneth Paltrow
I've got two wonderful children— and two out of five ain't bad. Henry Youngman
We went all out with new things for our first child and the second one had nothing but hand-me-downs. The bronzed baby shoes almost killed him. Phyllis Diller
If this baby's half as bad as our least bad one, we're still ruined. Hal (Malcolm in the Middle)
Children: You spend the first two years of their life teaching them how to walk and talk. The next sixteen? Spent telling them to sit down and shut up. Manhardeep Singh
Some babies are sweet and pink as peaches; / others are wrinkled, and scream like herons; / dispositions not optional / all sales final. Barbara Crooker
A baby's cry is precisely as serious as it sounds. Jean Liedloff
A baby is a blank check made payable to the human race. Barbara Christine Seifert
Every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last. Charles Dickens
A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother. Mark Twain
Having my baby fall asleep in my arms takes away all of my worries and stresses. A sense of complete and total peace comes over me. Maria Jose Ovalle
When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: 'Fetch!'. Bruce Lansky
Having a baby is like suddenly getting the world's worst roommate. Anne Lamott
Having a baby is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. Carol Burnett
Babies are always more trouble than you thought and more wonderful. Charles Osgood
Having a baby is one of the most wonderful things in your life, as well as the hardest thing in your life. Nuno Bettencourt
A baby is a wishing well. Everyone puts their hopes, their fears, their pasts, their two cents in. Elizabeth Bard
The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants. Johnny Depp