Funny Cat Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny cat quotes, funny cat sayings, and funny cat proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

When a cat speaks, it's because it has something to say, unlike humans who are the great refuse containers of speech. V.L. Allineare
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: Take me to the canaries. Bob Monkhouse
Cats always seem so very wise, when staring with their half-closed eyes. Can they be thinking, "I'll be nice, and maybe she will feed me twice? Bette Midler
The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer. Paula Poundstone
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. Mary Bly
All cats love fish but fear to wet their paws. Chinese Proverb
The trouble with sharing one's bed with cats is that they'd rather sleep on you than beside you. Pam Brown
Cats are kindly masters, just so long as you remember your place Paul Gray
Your cat will never threaten your popularity by barking at three in the morning. He won't attack the mailman or eat the drapes, although he may climb the drapes to see how the room looks from the ceiling. Helen Powers
The cat does not offer services. The cat offers itself. Of course he wants care and shelter. You don't buy love for nothing. Like all pure creatures, cats are practical. William S. Burroughs
No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch. Leo Dworken
If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. Alfred North Whitehead
The cat seldom interferes with other people's rights. His intelligence keeps him from doing many of the fool things that complicate life. Carl V. Vechten
Cats' hearing apparatus is built to allow the human voice to easily go in one ear and out the other. Stephen Baker
Even overweight, cats instinctively know the cardinal rule: when fat, arrange yourself in slim poses. John Weitz
Any cat who misses a mouse pretends it was aiming for the dead leaf. Charlotte Gray
A cat's got her own opinion of human beings. She don't say much, but you can tell enough to make you anxious not to hear the whole of it. Jerome K. Jerome
Cats never strike a pose that isn't photogenic. Lillian Jackson Braun
No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. Abraham Lincoln
After scolding one's cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference. Charlotte Gray
The cat is, above all things, a dramatist. Margaret Benson
The reason cats climb is so that they can look down on almost every other animal…it's also the reason they hate birds. KC Buffington
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. Mark Twain
Cats will amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw. Terry Pratchett
In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this. Terry Pratchett
There is something about the presence of a cat... that seems to take the bite out of being alone. Louis J. Camuti
Cats only pretend to be domesticated if they think there's a bowl of milk in it for them. Robin Williams
An ordinary kitten will ask more questions than any five year old. Carl Van Vechten
A cat determined not to be found can fold itself up like a pocket handkerchief if it wants to. Louis J. Camuti
If cats could talk, they wouldn't. Nan Porter
Cats know how to obtain food without labor, shelter without confinement, and love without penalties. W.L. George
Cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit that will cause most inconvenience. Pam Brown
A cat can be trusted to purr when she is pleased, which is more than can be said for human beings. William Ralph Inge
I believe cats to be spirits come to earth. A cat, I am sure, could walk on a cloud without coming through. Jules Verne
A cat isn't fussy - just so long as you remember he likes his milk in the shallow, rose-patterned saucer and his fish on the blue plate. From which he will take it, and eat it off the floor. Arthur Bridges
It is impossible for a lover of cats to banish these alert, gentle, and discriminating little friends, who give us just enough of their regard and complaisance to make us hunger for more. Agnes Repplier
There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life music and cats. Albert Schweitzer
I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It’s not. Mine had me trained in two days. Bill Dana
A kitten is the delight of a household. All day long a comedy is played out by an incomparable actor. Champfleury
Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are God. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are God. Christopher Hitchens
As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the humankind. Cleveland Amory
There is, incidentally, no way of talking about cats that enables one to come off as a sane person. Dan Greenberg
A cat can purr its way out of anything. Donna Mccrohan
As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. Ellen Perry Berkeley
One cat just leads to another. Ernest Hemingway
A cat has absolute emotional honesty, human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not. Ernest Hemingway
Everything I know I learned from my cat. When you're hungry, eat. When you're tired, nap in a sunbeam. When you go to the vet’s, pee on your owner. Gary Smith
How we behave toward cats here below determines our status in heaven. Robert A. Heinlein
The phrase domestic cat is an oxymoron. George Will
I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. Hippolyte Taine
Cats are connoisseurs of comfort. James Herriot
I have felt cats rubbing their faces against mine and touching my cheek with claws carefully sheathed. These things, to me, are expressions of love. James Herriot
You cannot look at a sleeping cat and feel tense. Jane Pauley
I love cats because I enjoy my home and little by little, they become its visible soul. Jean Cocteau
Way down deep, we’re all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them. Jim Davis
Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. Joseph Wood Krutch
The smallest feline is a masterpiece. Leonardo da Vinci
Cats do care. For example they know instinctively what time we have to be at work in the morning and they wake us up twenty minutes before the alarm goes off. Michael Nelson
I used to love dogs until I discovered cats. Nafisa Joseph
A kitten is in the animal world what a rosebud is in the garden. Robert Southey
Cats have it all admiration, an endless sleep, and company only when they want it. Rod McKuen
There are few things in life more heartwarming than to be welcomed by a cat. Tay Hohoff
A cat is an example of sophistication minus civilization. unknown
Dogs have owners, cats have staff. unknown
Like all pure creatures, cats are practical. William S. Burroughs