Funny Coffee Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny coffee quotes, funny coffee sayings, and funny coffee proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be? Cassandra Clare
Some of the world's most effective thoughts happen over a brew of morning's coffee Prabhukrishna M
Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever. David Letterman
I would rather suffer from coffee than be senseless. Napoleon Bonaparte
Coffee is a language in itself Jackie Chan
I was taken by the power that savoring a simple cup of coffee can have to connect people and create community. Howard Schultz
People don't stop eating, and they don't stop drinking coffee. Magic Johnson
When traveling with someone, take large dose of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee. Helen Hayes
Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee. Stephanie Piro
He was my cream, and I was his coffee – And when you poured us together, it was something. Josephine Baker
Adventure in life is good; consistency in coffee even better. Justina Chen
It's amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee. Donna A. Favors
The powers of a man's mind are directly proportioned to the quantity of coffee he drinks. James Mackintosh
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. Abraham Lincoln
I could smell myself awake with that coffee. Jaesse Tyler
Coffee first. Schemes later. Leanna Renee Hieber
The second cup of coffee is never as good as the first. Theodore Roosevelt
Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it's hard to go back to sleep. Fran Drescher
I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee. Carly Simon
I can't imagine a day without coffee. I can't imagine! Howard Schultz
The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce. Oliver Wendell Holmes
Coffee is a language in itself. Jackie Chan
Coffee is good for talent, but genius wants prayer. Ralph Waldo Emerson
Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world. Thomas Jefferson
If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning. Mae West
Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second. Edward Abbey
Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self. Terry Pratchett
Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Coffee is the common man's gold, and like gold, it brings to every person the feeling of luxury and nobility. Sheik-Abd-al-Kadir
Black coffee must be strong and very hot; if strong coffee does not agree with you, do not drink black coffee. And if you do not drink black coffee, do not drink any coffee at all. Andre Simon
Coffee was a food in that house, not a drink. Patricia Hampl
A morning coffee is my favorite way of starting the day, settling the nerves so that they don't later fray. Marcia Carrington
No coffee can be good in the mouth that does not first send a sweet offering of odor to the nostrils. Henry Ward Beecher
Coffee in England always tastes like a chemistry experiment. Agatha Christie
I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake. Lewis Black
I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee. Terri Guillemets
The coffee was so strong it snarled as it lurched out of the pot. Betty MacDonald
Without my morning coffee, I'm just like a dried-up piece of goat. Johann Sebastian Bach
Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank. Alphonse Allais
Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all. David Lynch
I never laugh until I've had my coffee. Clark Gable
I think if I were a woman I'd wear coffee as a perfume. John William Van Druten
Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break. Earl Wilson
No matter what historians claimed, BC really stood for Before Coffee. Cherise Sinclair
I don't see the point in caffeine without coffee. Or coffee without caffeine, for that matter. Robyn Schneider
Given enough coffee I could rule the world. Terry Pratchett
There's nothing sweeter than a cup of bitter coffee. Rian Aditia
It turned out people truly did cry into their coffee cups. Jodi Picoult
The coffee is prepared in such a way that it makes those who drink it witty: at least there is not a single soul who, on quitting the house, does not believe himself four times wittier that when he entered it. Charles de Secondat Montesquieu
Coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical. Jonathan Swift
What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup. Henry Rollins
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. Steven Wright
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems. Alfred Renyi
Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze? Jean Kerr
Caffeine and sugar, the two basic food groups. Laurell K. Hamilton
It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity. Dave Barry
Chocolate and coffee? Together? Whoever came up with that combination should have won a Nobel Peace Prize. Or at least a subscription to Reader's Digest. Darynda Jones
I poured a compass into my coffee, to give the flavor some direction. Jarod Kintz
Free yourself from the slavery of tea and coffee and other slop kettles! William Cobbett
If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, you have to take the spoon out of the cup. Norm Crosby
I believe humans get a lot done, not because we're smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee. Flash Rosenberg
I've taken up meditation. I like to have an espresso first to make it more challenging. Betsy Salkind
Coffee has two virtues: it is wet and warm. Dutch Proverb
When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas... Emo Philips
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons. T. S. Eliot
Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister. Bob Irwin
It must be slow, for I have been drinking it for sixty-five years and I am not yet dead. Voltaire
Coffee: creative lighter fluid. Floyd Maxwell
Never drink black coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake in the afternoon. Jilly Cooper
These angry zombies were rushing to work, and their eyes flashed fair warning: Don't mess with us. We haven't had our coffee. Joan Frank
Coffee in England is just toasted milk. Christopher Fry
No matter how much strong coffee we drink, almost any after dinner speech will counteract it. Kin Hubbard
I judge a restaurant by the bread and by the coffee. Burt Lancaster
Why do they always put mud into coffee on board steamers? Why does the tea generally taste of boiled boots? William Makepeace Thackeray
There isn't enough coffee in the United States to keep everyone awake during a Presidential election campaign. Donald W. Brown
There are various theories as to what characteristics, what combination of traits, what qualities in our men won [World War II]… but, speaking from my own observation of our armed forces, I should say the war was won on coffee. Ilka Chase
Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it's on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw. Erma Bombeck
Almost all my middle-aged and elderly acquaintances, including me, feel about 25, unless we haven't had our coffee, in which case we feel 107. Martha Beck
I began wearing hats as a young lawyer because it helped me to establish my professional identity. Before that, whenever I was at a meeting, someone would ask me to get coffee. Bella Abzug
Coffee, (which makes the politician wise, / And see thro' all things with his half-shut eyes). Alexander Pope
What would life be without coffee? But then, what is it even with coffee? King Louis XV
They said I could be anything, so I decided to be caffeinated! Lizzie Chantree