Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous
old funny drinking quotes, funny drinking sayings, and funny drinking proverbs, collected over the years from a variety
of sources.
War and drink are the two things man is never too poor to buy.William Faulkner
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Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.G.K. Chesterton
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One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough.James Thurber
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An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.Ernest Hemingway
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Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.F. Scott Fitzgerald
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In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.Benjamin Franklin
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The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.William Butler Yeats
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The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.Humphrey Bogart
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I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, That's as good as they're going to feel all day.Frank Sinatra
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I try to convince myself that it's the alcohol talking. But alcohol can't talk. It just sits there. It can't even get itself out of the bottle.David Levithan
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This is one of the disadvantages of wine: it makes a man mistake words for thought.Samuel Johnson
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A bottle of wine contains more philosophy that all the books in the world.Louis Pasteur
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There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren't as good as others.Raymond Chandler
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A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50, and a fool if he doesn't afterward.Frank Lloyd Wright
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One can drink too much, but one never drinks enough.Edward Burke
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Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don't drink too much. Then again, don't drink too little.Herman Smith-Johannsen
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Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.Joan Collins
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Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.Kaiser Wilhelm
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There comes a time in every woman's life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.Bette Davis
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Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends.Tom Waits
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.Henny Youngman
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The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the forth for my enemies.William Temple
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Better belly burst than good liquor be lost.Jonathan Swift
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I drink to make other people more interesting.Ernest Hemingway
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There are more old drunkards than old physicians.Bernard Shaw
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Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.W.C. Fields
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Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.Ernest Hemingway
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Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.Frank Sinatra
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First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.F. Scott Fitzgerald
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A man's true character comes out when he's drunk.Charlie Chaplin
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Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.Lord Byron
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One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.Lady Nancy Astor
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Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.Steve Martin
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A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.Steve Fergosi
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I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.Winston Churchill
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Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.Francois Rabelais
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Drink today, and drown all sorrow; you shall perhaps not do tomorrow.John Fletcher
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You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.Dean Martin
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He that drinks fast, pays slow.Benjamin Franklin
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24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?Steven Wright
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I know I should give up drinking; but I am not a quitterunknown
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If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.Jack Handy
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Either give me more wine or leave me alone.Rumi
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I am a drinker with writing problems.Brendan Behan
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No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.John Churchill
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Good people drink good beer.Hunter S. Thompson
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We drink and we die and continue to drink.Dennis Leary
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I get no kick from champagne, / Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all, / So tell me why should it be true / That I get a kick out of you.Cole Poter
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In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol. It was the worst 20 minutes of my life.George Best
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Alcohol...enables parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.George Bernard Shaw
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I have a rare intolerance to herbs which means I can only drink fermented liquids, such as gin.Julie Walters
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It was my uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of medical thought.P.G. Wodehouse
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And he that will go to bed sober, Falls with the leaf still in October.John Fletcher
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Best while you have u have it use your breath, There is no drinking after death.John Fletcher
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We drink one another's healths and spoil our own.Jerome K. Jerome
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Claret is the liquor for boys; port, for men; but he who aspires to be a hero must drink brandy.Samuel Johnson
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake— which I also keep handy.W.C. Fields
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Unfortunately, one of the by-products of drinking alcohol is not increased self-awareness; hence. the difficulty in letting a drinker know that he has had enough, that she has a drinking problem, or that he should not get behind the wheel of that car, especially if the car is still in the showroom.Will & Grace
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My daddy, he'd walk forty miles for liquor but not forty inches for kindness.Cold Mountain
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The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol.Mignon McLaughlin
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I drink too much. The last time I give a urine sample, it has an olive in it.Rodney Dangerfield
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I don't drink anymore. I don't drink any less either.Elsie (While You Were Sleeping)
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When it comes to drunks, we do our best because we would hope for and expect the same from our friends. Sometimes— okay, make that most of the time— things get a little messy, but that doesn't mean they can't get a little funny,too.Will & Grace
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. George Burns
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.Henny Youngman
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I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.Joe E. Ellis
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Work is the curse of the drinking classesOscar Wilde
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I like to have a martini, two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host.Dorothy Parker
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Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.F. Scott Fitzgerald
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Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.Catherine Zandonella
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Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast.Compton Mackenzie
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.Phyllis Diller
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Alcohol removes inhibitions – like that scared little mouse who got drunk and shook his whiskers and shouted: “Now bring on that damn cat!Eleanor Early
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My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. Henny Youngman
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Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets. Dudley Moore
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When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven! Brian O'Rourke