Funny Food Sayings and Quotes

Food is a great unifier. While we all have different preferences, cuisine favorites, and vices, everyone can poke fun at their food choices. Check out the gut-busting collection of funny food quotes below.

Nouvelle Cuisine, roughly translated, means: I can't believe I paid ninety-six dollars and I'm still hungry. Mike Kalin
I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food. W.C. Fields
After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations. Oscar Wilde
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. Orson Welles
An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh. Will Rogers
Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces. Judith Viorst
I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon. Ellen DeGeneres
The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. Julia Child
Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter. Fran Lebowitz
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. Erma Bombeck
I don't eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I don't eat anything that looks like I should step on it. George Carlin
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the "Titanic" who waved off the dessert cart. Erma Bombeck
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. Calvin Trillin
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. Mark Twain
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie. Jim Davis
The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate! Terry Moore
A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze. Stephen King
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. George Carlin
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. Buddy Hackett
Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche. Lewis Grizzard
Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. Doug Larson
Americans will eat garbage provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup. Henry James
Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners! Roald Dahl
When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight. Yogi Berra
I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a moustache. Niles Crane
Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing. Joss Whedon
Sacred cows make the best hamburger. Mark Twain
The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again. George Miller
I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni. Ulrik Stephens
There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap. Kevin James
Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat, that's bad for you! Tom Smothers
It's so beautifully arranged on the plate - you know someone's fingers have been all over it. Julia Child
Cakes are healthy too, you just eat a small slice. Mary Berry
Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is. P. J. O'Rourke
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. Hippocrates
Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken. Jonathan Swift
I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. Totie Fields
Anything is good if it's made of chocolate. Jo Brand
Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face. Enrico Caruso
Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising. Meg Cabot
Snack time heals all wounds. Bridger Winegar
Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants. Michael Pollan
Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments. Bethenny Frankel
We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons. Alfred E. Newman
Probably one of the most private things in the world is an egg before it is broken. M.F.K. Fisher
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. Barbara Johnson
Food is our common ground, a universal experience. James Beard
We all eat, and it would be a sad waste of opportunity to eat badly. Anna Thomas
Never eat more than you can lift. Miss Piggy
Food, glorious food! / Hot sausage and mustard! / While we're in the mood / Cold jelly and custard! / Peas, pudding and / saveloys! / What next is the question? / Rich gentlemen have it, boys / Indigestion! Lionel Bart
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. Mark Twain
When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half eaten sandwich. Violet Matters
The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating. John Walters
Wine is botled poetry. Robert Louis Stevenson
If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger Matthew Dolkart
There is no love sincerer than the love of food. George Bernard Shaw
Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal. Jay Leno
There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap. Kevin James
Food is symbolic of love when words are inadequate. Alan D. Wolfelt
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. Charles M. Shulz
Togetherness, exactly. You can't make pizza without cheese. Well, you could, but it would just be bad pizza, though. Brendan Leonard
Food always comes to those who love to cook. Brad Bird
The most heavily advertised foods are consumed the most. No surprise. Morgan Spurlock
When there was food it was very much a comfort for me, I'm definitely a food addict. Julie
Food? That's ridiculous. Why would anyone wanna bury food? Hm. Unless they're trying to age it for flavor. Duane Capizzi
Why don't we make natural foods? They're better bound for people's health. Jay Sommers
I love watermelons but I believe you got to kill it to eat it. Sergeant R. Lee Ermey
Food is... love. You cooking with love, good food. You make people happy. You artiste! Not small not small. Gauri Shinde
Fast food, feed me fast / I've been waiting for an aeon / And I just won't last / I want fast food, I want food fast Peter Dennis Blanford Townshend
The lettuce heads cried, 'don't chop us in half' / And they screamed for their vegetable lives / The cook just smiled, and he let out a laugh / And his eyes shone like knives Robert Steven Reiser
The cream separated, and the milk was skimmed / And the fork ran away with the spoon / The curtains were drawn, and the lights were dimmed / And music filled the room Robert Steven Reiser
Food, glorious food! / We're anxious to try it / Three banquets a day / Our favorite diet! Lionel Bart
Food is, of course, everywhere, and is inextricably bound to our daily lives. Amelia Carruthers
Food' is rife with contradictions. It is a corporal pleasure turned into the eternal sin of gluttony, as well as a vehicle for community, friendship and sharing that is, on a personal level, intractably individual. Amelia Carruthers
Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. Mark Twain
Good food is the foundation of genuine happiness. Georges Auguste Escoffier
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. Hippocrates
For those to whom food and fine dining are readily available, it represents freedom and community, for those lacking this most fundamental of needs, it is an all consuming concern. Amelia Carruthers
Food has social meaning and significance beyond its nutritive function; it is also expressive. University of Clifornia Press
Food is a basic thing that humans want and need in order to live together in societies. University of Clifornia Press
Food is central to religious traditions throughout the world. University of Clifornia Press
Food is object of hunger and desire. University of Clifornia Press
Food is not only about nutrition. Mealtimes can be an opportunity for caring and thoughtfulness. Grethe Berg
Food is vital, but also associated with enjoyment. Grethe Berg
Bananas are one of my loveliest fruit ever! Only one is enough to make you feel happy and relaxed as well! Alexandra Slattenschek
We cannot survive without food, but more importantly, we cannot by healthy and happy without the right foods. Karen Wang Diggs
Every time you eat a hamburger you are having a relationship with thousands of people you never met. John Robbins
Something about the smell of creamed butter and sugar or just-baked cookies wafting in the air makes everything seem right. Rebecca Firth
Baking a batch of cookies will bring back enthusiasm to youngsters who are 'dying or boredom.' Jean Paré
Hot dogs are the essence of summer. Hot dogs are one of our favorite comfort foods, evoking fond memories of childhood and fun times at picnics and family cookouts. Becky Mercuri
Fruit and vegetables have been an important constituent of the human diet from time immemorial. Cranfield University
Fruit and vegetables are doubtless eaten for their unique taste and flavor, yet their health and healing properties have been known for centuries. Cranfield University
The ideal peach will be full of sweetness and juice and free of bruises. Kelly Alexander
You always have the power of choice and the power to heal your body. You have choice over your thoughts,actions, words and every morsel you eat. Joy McCarthy
Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. Bill Bryson
Lunch Hollywood-style---a hot dog and vintage wine. Harry Kurnitz
Garlic bread--it's the future, I've tasted it. Peter Kay
Sue wants a barbecue, Sam wants to boil a ham, Grace votes for bouillabaisse stew, Jake wants a weeny-baker, steak and a layer cake, He'll get a tummy ache too. Johnny Mercer
People often feed the hungry so that nothing may disturb their own enjoyment of a good meal. W. Somerset Maugham
Never serve oysters in a mouth that has no paycheck in it. P.J.O'Rourke
Cheese it is a peevish elf. It digest all things but itself. John Ray
An egg is always an adventure. Oscar Wilde
When I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a load with a field in the middle of it. Oscar Wilde
One doughnut doesn't do a thing. You've got to eat twenty a day for five weeks before you get results. Renee Zellweger