Funny Friendship Sayings and Quotes

A good friend offers not only a shoulder to cry on, but someone to share a good laugh too. It’s not uncommon for longtime friends to have several side splitting stories about random acts of silliness or escapades that could’ve landed them in hot water. Below you’ll find a collection of wise and humorous funny friendship quotes.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places. Mark Twain
Never join with your friend when he abuses his horse or his wife, unless the one is about to be sold, the other to be buried. Charles Caleb Colton
A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. Bernard Meltzer
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.' Groucho Marx
Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway. Greg Tamblyn
You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job. Laurence J. Peter
One sure way to lose another woman's friendship is to try to improve her flower arrangements. Marcelene Cox
There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money Benjamin Franklin
It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. Ralph Waldo Emerson
A good friend will help you move. But a best friend will help you move a dead body. Jim Hayes
There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate. Linda Grayson
A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world. Lois Wyse
You don't lose friends because real friends can never be lost. You lose people masquerading as friends and you're better for it Mandy Hale
Men kick friendship around like a football and it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it falls to pieces. Anne Lindbergh
Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected. Charles Lamb
Friendship will not stand the strain of very much good advice for very long. Robert Staughton Lynd
The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist. Aaron Machado
I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street. Virginia Woolf
Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes. Friedrich Nietzsche
Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty. Silican proverb
I bet dying vultures have lots of awkward moments with their friends. Guy Endore-Kaiser
Show me a genuine case of platonic friendship, and I shall show you two old or homely faces. Austin O'Malley
My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia. Dame Edna Everage
Friends and good manners will carry you where money won't go. Margaret Walker
You can't make a circle of friends with a compass. Stanislaw Jerzy Lec
When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier Diane Von Furstenberg
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx
I've always said that in politics, your enemies can't hurt you, but your friends will kill you. Ann Richards
A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you. Elbert Hubbard
Whoever says Friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend! Bronwyn Polson