Funny Kitchen Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny kitchen quotes, funny kitchen sayings, and funny kitchen proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

It does not matter how expensive your kitchen is if you are a bad cook. Loesje
The only real stumbling block is fear of failure. In cooking you've got to have a what-the-hell attitude. Julia Child
My next house will have not kitchen… just vending machines. Anonymous
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. W.C. Fields
Thousands of people have eaten in my kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives. Anonymous
Always start out with a larger pot than what you think you need. Julia Child
What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. Nora Ephron
I don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking. Katherine Cebrian
A kitchen knife cannot carve its own handle. Korean Proverb
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. Phyllis Diller
I hate when I go to the kitchen for food and all I find are ingredients. Anonymous
Why yes, I've discovered the joy of cooking. It's when my husband does it. Anonymous
Cooking is about passion, so it may look slightly temperamental in a way that it's too assertive to the naked eye. Gordon Ramsay
The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. Julia Child
If you want breakfast in bed….sleep in the kitchen! Anonymous
I wish my stove came with a Save As button like Word has. That way I could experiment with my cooking and not fear ruining my dinner. Jarod Kintz
The worst mistake of a woman is to go to the kitchen, because then she never gets out of there. Shakira
I only have a kitchen because it came with the house. Anonymous
A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. Kin Hubbard
Their kitchen is their shrine, the cook their priest, the table their altar, and their belly their god. Charles Buck
One day..I'm gonna make the onions cry Anonymous
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. Calvin Trillin
Cooking requires confident guesswork and improvisation experimentation and substitution, dealing with failure and uncertainty in a creative way Paul Theroux
God blesses this kitchen but He doesn't clean it….!! Anonymous
I cook to inspire my husband to pay attention to me. Sonia Rumzi
Before Julia Child there was only onion dip. Susan Branch
When compelled to cook, I produce a meal that would make a sword swallower gag. Russell Baker
A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life. Anonymous
Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all. Harriet Van Horne
My next house will have no kitchen, just vending machines. David Young
Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say 'What light?' and two more to say, 'I didn't turn it on.' Erma Bombeck
Gadget: Any mechanical device that performs a kitchen task in one-twentieth the time it takes to find it. David Young
The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books-how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook. Andy Rooney
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. Orson Welles
There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that is the wife who can't cook and will. Robert Frost
I've been so busy. I don't even have time to cook for my kids, I don't wanna say we eat out a lot, but I've noticed that lately when I can call my kids for dinner they run to the car. Julie Kidd
Men like to barbecue. Men like to cook only if danger is involved. Rita Rudner
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked. Kimberly Broyles
Nearly every woman in England is competent to write an authoritative article on how not too cook cabbage. Vyvyan Holland
I have been in a youth hostel. I know what they're like. You are put in a kitchen with seventeen venture scouts with behavioral difficulties and made to wash swedes. Oxford University Press
He never knew what to say. If life was a party, he wasn't even in the kitchen. Oxford University Press
I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. Oxford University Press
There is no spectacle on earth more appealing than that of a beautiful woman in the act of cooking dinner for someone she loves. Thomas Wolfe
If you don't like the heat, get out of the kitchen. Harry S. Truman
The kitchen can be a very romantic place, Of course, if you're with the right person. Dominique Browning
My kitchen was never about cooking; it simply became my living room the room in which I hung out with my children, and with Stroller whenever he came around. Dominique Browning
This is terrific. What a gorgeous kitchen. You’ve decorated it so beautifully. Now you’re going to have to clear all the counters. Vases. Books. Knickknacks. Get rid of all that stuff. I mean, it is just beautiful. Beautiful. I love what you’ve done with this house. Make sure you put it all away. Dominique Browning
Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. Bill Bryson
Lunch Hollywood-style---a hot dog and vintage wine. Harry Kurnitz
Garlic bread--it's the future, I've tasted it. Peter Kay
Sue wants a barbecue, Sam wants to boil a ham, Grace votes for bouillabaisse stew, Jake wants a weeny-baker, steak and a layer cake, He'll get a tummy ache too. Johnny Mercer
People often feed the hungry so that nothing may disturb their own enjoyment of a good meal. W. Somerset Maugham
Never serve oysters in a mouth that has no paycheck in it. P.J.O'Rourke
Cheese it is a peevish elf. It digest all things but itself. John Ray
An egg is always an adventure. Oscar Wilde
When I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a load with a field in the middle of it. Oscar Wilde
One doughnut doesn't do a thing. You've got to eat twenty a day for five weeks before you get results. Renee Zellweger
Hot dogs are the essence of summer. Hot dogs are one of our favorite comfort foods, evoking fond memories of childhood and fun times at picnics and family cookouts. Becky Mercuri
Fruit and vegetables have been an important constituent of the human diet from time immemorial. Cranfield University
Fruit and vegetables are doubtless eaten for their unique taste and flavor, yet their health and healing properties have been known for centuries. Cranfield University
The ideal peach will be full of sweetness and juice and free of bruises. Kelly Alexander
You always have the power of choice and the power to heal your body. You have choice over your thoughts,actions, words and every morsel you eat. Joy McCarthy
Food is, of course, everywhere, and is inextricably bound to our daily lives. Amelia Carruthers
Food' is rife with contradictions. It is a corporal pleasure turned into the eternal sin of gluttony, as well as a vehicle for community, friendship and sharing that is, on a personal level, intractably individual. Amelia Carruthers
Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. Mark Twain
Good food is the foundation of genuine happiness. Georges Auguste Escoffier
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. Hippocrates
For those to whom food and fine dining are readily available, it represents freedom and community, for those lacking this most fundamental of needs, it is an all consuming concern. Amelia Carruthers
Food has social meaning and significance beyond its nutritive function; it is also expressive. University of Clifornia Press