Funny Life Sayings and Quotes

Life may not be easy, but it is certainly guaranteed to not be boring. Sometimes all you can do is laugh and get ready for the next curve that comes your way. Below you’ll find a collection of wise and funny life quotes to enjoy when you need a bit of levity.

Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive. Elbert Hubbard
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter Mark Twain
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. Lily Tomlin
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? Woody Allen
Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese. Billie Burke
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down. Jimmy Durante
Life is like a roll of toilet paper; hopefully long and useful, but it always ends at the wrong moment. Rudyh
Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. Anthony Burgess
If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z - keeping your mouth shut. Albert Einstein
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake Bob Hope
You are only young once, but you can be immature forever. Hannah Marks
Life is funny, when you are young you want to be older and those that are older wish to be younger. Karon Waddell
Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it. Sam Levenson
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience Mark Twain
You may not always end up where you thought you were going, But you will always end up where you were meant to be. Jessica taylor
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes! Billy Connolly
The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs...one step at a time. Joe Girard
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong. Charles M. Schulz
Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions. Criss Jami
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too Rodney Dangerfield
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you. Steven Wright
The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. Albert Einstein
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. Brooke Shields
People will laugh at anything, except their own moronic self. Fakeer Ishavardas
Tolerance! The virtue that makes one bite his tongue so that he can tear out his hair. Criss Jami
The fact that we're all different is the one thing we all have in common. Justin Young
Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. Kyle Chandler
Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. Charles M. Schulz
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion Fred Allen
Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. John Lennon
The purpose of our lives is to be happy. Dalai Lama
Get busy living or get busy dying. Stephen King
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. Mae West
Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. Thomas A. Edison
If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things. Albert Einstein
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Steve Jobs
Not how long, but how well you have lived is the main thing. Seneca
If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor. Eleanor Roosevelt
The whole secret of a successful life is to find out what is one’s destiny to do, and then do it. Henry Ford
In order to write about life first you must live it. Ernest Hemingway
The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything. Frank Sinatra
Curiosity about life in all of its aspects, I think, is still the secret of great creative people. Leo Burnett
Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced. Soren Kierkegaard
The unexamined life is not worth living. Socrates
Don’t settle for what life gives you; make life better and build something. Ashton Kutcher
Life imposes things on you that you can’t control, but you still have the choice of how you’re going to live through this. Celine Dion
Life is never easy. There is work to be done and obligations to be met – obligations to truth, to justice, and to liberty. John F. Kennedy
Live for each second without hesitation. Elton John
The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up. Mark Twain
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. Mark Twain
I am still determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I find myself. Martha Washington
Blessed is he who makes his companions laugh. The Koran
Happy are those who have given up worrying once and for all. Ovid
He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has Epictetus
It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live. Marcus Aurelius
The happiness of you life depends on the quality of your thoughts. Marcus Aurelius
Mirth, and even cheerfulness, when employed as remedies in low spirits, are like hot water to a frozen limb. Benjamin Rush
The most wasted of all days is that in which we have not laughed. Sebastien Chamfort
Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of. Benjamin Franklin
Life is like a guided tour, where we are the tourists, our inner voice is the guide and the destiny is like a travel company which tries to give us the best possible 'package' that our 'Karma' can afford! D.S. Pandit
Life is cruising the ocean while watching a beautiful sunrise. Jean Watson
Life is a meaningless existence unless equality exists for every living soul. Jean Watson
Life is the rustling of leaves as the wind blows. You will experience the true meaning of life once you show appreciation for the simple things God provides daily. Jean Watson
Developing a cheerful disposition can permit an atmosphere wherein one's spirit can be nurtured and encouraged to blossom and bear fruit. Being pessimistic and negative about our experiences will not enhance the quality of our lives. A determination to be of good cheer can help us and those around us to enjoy life more fully. Barbara Winder
Life teaches you many lessons, many good, some bad. Just learn from the good and forget the bad. J.D.Rockefeller
Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed. Corita Kent
When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another. Helen Keller
Do not be afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will create the fact. William James
According to this third important mental law, your outer life is a mirror image to your inner life. Brian Tracy
Everything you have in your life today you have attracted to yourself by the person you are, by the way you think. You can change your life because you can change the person you are. You can change your thoughts that you think. Brian Tracy
The most important things in life that are free are common sense, knowledge, and opportunities. If you acquire one of the three, the others will fall with in your grasp. Jean Watson
We need to accept that most things in life are beyond our control, but they are generally good. D. S. Pandit
Even in life, it is wise to find good people and experiences, instead of complaining about the bad ones; while keeping in mind that even the good experiences will not last forever. D. S. Pandit
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. Michelangelo
If you were born without wings, do nothing to prevent them form growing. Coco Chanel
If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes. St. Clement of Alexandra
Other times we feel discouraged, drained and spiritually weak and need inspiration and added strength to keep ourselves striving to build the life that we envisioned to continue to move forward. J.D.Rockefeller
No on said life was easy - there are always challenges, and hurdles along the way that must be overcome. J.D.Rockefeller
And I truly believe that the information, thoughts, ideas and inspiration that we feed our mind, soul and spirit with has a direct correlation with the quality and ultimately the direction of our life's unfolding. J.D.Rockefeller
Having children gives your life purpose. Right now my purpose is to get some sleep. Reno Goodale
To me old age is always fifteen year older than I am. Bernard Baruch
By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it. George Burns
I was introduced to a beautiful young lady as a man in his nineties. Early nineties, I insisted. George Burns
I don't know how you feel about old age, but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear. Phyllis Diller
I'm at the age when my back goes out more than I do. Phyllis Diller
Eighty is a wonderful age - especially if you're ninety. Abel Green
An elderly woman in a nursing home declined her pastor's suggestion that she get a hearing aid. 'At 91, I've hear enough,' she said. Catherine Hall
In youth we want to change the world. In old age we want to change youth. Garth Henrichs
I'm now old enough to personally identify every object in antique stores. Anita Milner
Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age. Victor Hugo
Children are a great comfort in your old age-and they help you reach it faster too. Richard Kauffmann
Oh to be old again,' said a young corpse. Stanislaw Lec