Funny Work Sayings and Quotes

The office isn’t typically considered a place for fun, but it’s hard not to find humor in a place we spend so much of our time. Take a load off with the collection of humorous and funny work quotes below.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early. Groucho Marx
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? Edgar Bergen
What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public. Vilhjalmur Stefansson
My son is now an 'entrepreneur.' That's what you're called when you don't have a job. Ted Turner
The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse. Dennis Miller
If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings. Dave Barry
I will always choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. Bill Gates
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Erma Bombeck
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. Drew Carey
I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. Jerome K. Jerome
It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours. Harry S. Truman
When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: Whose? Don Marquis
Doing nothing is very hard to never know when you're finished. Leslie Nielsen
The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. Charles Lamb
A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B. Fats Domino
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. Les Dawson
Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get. Ray Kroc
In modern business it is not the crook who is to be feared most, it is the honest man who doesn't know what he is doing. William Wordsworth
The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen. Sarah Brown
If you don't know what to do with many of the papers piled on your desk, stick a dozen colleagues initials on them and pass them along. When in doubt, route. Malcolm S. Forbes
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at that moment. Robert Benchley
I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around. Homer Simpson
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. Robert Frost
When we're unemployed, we're called lazy; when the whites are unemployed it's called a depression. Jesse Jackson
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. George Burns
The first thing a new employee should do on the job is learn to recognize his boss' voice on the phone. Martin Buxbaum
If A equal success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play and Z is keep your mouth shut. Albert Einstein
God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die. Bill Watterson
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. Charlie McCarthy
I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend, than be one. Clarence Darrow
If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock. Claude McDonald
Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow. Don Herold
Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so. Douglas Adams
It's better to have one person working with you than three people working for you. Dwight D. Eisenhower
Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day. Ed Bernard
People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do. Elbert Hubbard
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin
I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock. Henny Youngman
It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.​ Homer Simpson
Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way. Homer Simpson
A professional is a man who can do his job when he doesn’t feel like it; an amateur is one who can’t when he does feel like it. James Agate
Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. James Patrick Murray
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. Jennifer Yane
You don't get paid for the hour. You get paid for the value you bring to the hour. Jim Rohn
The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time. Joe Girard
People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The trouble is they want a week’s pay for it. Joey Adams
Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor. John Ciardi
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti
There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?​ Kin Hubbard
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people. Kooper Salmo
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure. Mark Twain
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. Napoleon Bonaparte
An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field. Niels Bohr
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. Ogden Nash
Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock. Pablo Picasso
Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done. Peter Drucker
I love my job only when I'm on vacation. Rick Tocquigny
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. Robert Frost
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work. Robert Orben
The taxpayer – that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination. Ronald Reagan
Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done. Sam Ewing
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep. Scott Adams
The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.​ Stanley J. Randall
Why join the navy if you can be a pirate? Steve Jobs
Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em, Certainly, I can! Then get busy and find out how to do it. Teddy Roosevelt
Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard. Tim Notke
Are you aware that rushing toward a goal is a sublimated death wish? It’s no coincidence we call them “deadlines. Tom Robbins
I need a six-month vacation, twice a year. unknown
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. unknown
Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins. unknown
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Will Rogers
An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. William Castle
It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work. William Faulkner
A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job. Zig Ziglar
Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you. Zig Ziglar