Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous
old Dave Barry quotes, Dave Barry sayings, and Dave Barry proverbs, collected over the years from a variety
of sources.'
The problem with winter sports is that-follow me closely here-they generally take place in winter.Dave Barry
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The government: What we can as citizens do to reform our tax system? As you know, under our three-branch system of government, the tax laws are created by Satan. But he works through the Congress, so that's where we must focus our efforts.Dave Barry
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Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.Dave Barry
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Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient for beer.Dave Barry
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Without a question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.Dave Barry
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Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient for beer.Dave Barry
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Without a question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.Dave Barry
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Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.Dave Barry
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You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. Dave Barry
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Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.Dave Barry
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It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.Dave Barry
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The Internet, transforming society and shaping the future through chat.Dave Barry
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As the father of a daughter, I wish I'd read this very funny book sooner, if only to know that it's okay for a grown man to wear a tutu.Dave Barry
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Canada, as you know, is a major important nation boasting a sophisticated, cosmopolitan culture that was tragically destroyed last week by beavers.Dave Barry
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Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.Dave Barry
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I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them with a melody never showed up.Dave Barry
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In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season. Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church. Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue. The atheists went to parties and drank.Dave Barry
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People passing each other on the street would say would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!' or to the atheists 'Look out for the wall!'.Dave Barry
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My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.Dave Barry
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In college, Yuppies major in business administration. If to meet certain requirements they have to take a liberal arts course, they take Business poetry.Dave Barry
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Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.Dave Barry
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Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.Dave Barry
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