Henny Youngman Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old Henny Youngman quotes, Henny Youngman sayings, and Henny Youngman proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.'

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. Henny Youngman
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. Henny Youngman
What is a home without children? Quiet. Henny Youngman
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. Henny Youngman
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret Henny Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. Henny Youngman
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. Henny Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. Henny Youngman
I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can't wait to exchange. Henny Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. Henny Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. Henny Youngman
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. Henny Youngman
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. Henny Youngman
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it. Henny Youngman
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. Henny Youngman
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. Henny Youngman
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months. Henny Youngman
My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable. Henny Youngman
My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us! Henny Youngman
What is a home without children. Quiet. Henny Youngman
A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well. Henny Youngman
The secret of a happy marriage remains… a secret. Henny Youngman
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. Henny Youngman
I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock. Henny Youngman
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. Henny Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. Henny Youngman
My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. Henny Youngman
When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays. Henny Youngman
We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse. Henny Youngman