Mondays are mundane, like Tuesdays minus 24 hours. Jarod Kintz

The year you were born marks only your entry into the world. Other years where you prove your worth, they are the ones worth celebrating. Jarod Kintz

I went fishing, and I caught a minnow. If you think that's tiny, you should see the bait I was using. What micro fish could resist my love? Jarod Kintz

I want to go to sleep in my time machine and wake up eight hours in the future. Jarod Kintz

Pride must be a summer thing, because it comes before the fall. Jarod Kintz

Teamwork: I love the idea of all for one especially if that one is me. Jarod Kintz

I hate fake people. You know what I'm talking about. Mannequins. Jarod Kintz

Drinking coffee is like drinking an inverse yawn. I prefer mine with two spoonfuls of ?I?m listening.? Jarod Kintz

College has given me the confidence I need to fail. Jarod Kintz

Design is body language for inanimate objects. Jarod Kintz

I find wisdom in the waves. Goodbye is a hello to a life without you. Jarod Kintz

Teamwork: I love the idea of all for one — especially if that one is me. Jarod Kintz

I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other's hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are. Jarod Kintz

Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no difference in the world. Jarod Kintz

My left hand is my bad hand. I spank it with my right hand. You might call it clapping, but I call it discipline. Jarod Kintz

If I could lick the sunset, I'll bet it would taste like Neapolitan ice cream. Jarod Kintz

The sun would be better than a flashlight, except it doesn't work at night. It probably needs to recharge its batteries from running all day. Jarod Kintz

The American Dream is to not have to work, so with unemployment at record levels, you'd think more people would be excited and grateful for the government intervention that got us to this glorious economic point. Jarod Kintz

My drug of choice is love. Sure, I've tried other drugs, but no other drug gets both the dealer and user high from every transaction. Jarod Kintz

It's always sunny in the Sunshine State. Except for at night. Jarod Kintz

My love for you is like a Florida sunset. Orange, coral, pink, and lavender, it exists to warm your heart through the inevitable darkness. Jarod Kintz

With my last breath, I'll exhale my love for you. I hope it's a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me. Jarod Kintz

My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun. Jarod Kintz

I don't understand people who don't touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason. Jarod Kintz

Cats are like walking brooms you can actually comfortably cuddle with. Jarod Kintz

Obesity isn't as cool as it used to be, back in the earlier centuries. Before it was a reflection on your gross income, and now it's just gross. Jarod Kintz

A part-time worker is fully employed, half the time. In other words, they are part-time unemployees. Jarod Kintz

I called to tell her I loved her, which was smart, because if I'd have done it in person, I'd have caught her with another man. I don't care if he was my clone, it isn't right and it pisses me off. I was backstabbed by myself. Jarod Kintz

For me, it's not about winning an award. It's also about not even being nominated Jarod Kintz

A mirror is like my own personal reality TV show where I'm both the star and only viewer. I've got to get my ratings up. Jarod Kintz