Rita Rudner Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old Rita Rudner quotes, Rita Rudner sayings, and Rita Rudner proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.'

Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside. Rita Rudner
To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.' Rita Rudner
It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner
Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until the day before his anniversary to buy his wife a gift. Rita Rudner
My husband gave me a necklace. It’s fake. I requested fake. Maybe I’m paranoid, but in this day and age, I don’t want something around my neck that’s worth more than my head. Rita Rudner
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. Rita Rudner
My parents, my whole life, combined my birthday with Christmas, and you know how frustrating that is for a child--especially as I was born in July. Rita Rudner
I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet. Rita Rudner
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. Rita Rudner
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner
Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before. Rita Rudner
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen. Rita Rudner
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner
It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner
I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes if I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose. Rita Rudner
My husband and I are are going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. Rita Rudner
When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other. Rita Rudner
The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down. Rita Rudner
To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.' Rita Rudner
It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage-they've experienced pain and bought jewelry Rita Rudner
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. Rita Rudner
Men like to barbecue. Men like to cook only if danger is involved. Rita Rudner
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner
If you never want to see a man again, just tell him 'I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have children.' They leave skid marks. Rita Rudner
Men hate to lose. I beat my husband once at tennis. I asked him, 'Will we ever make love again?' He said, 'Yes...but not with each other.' Rita Rudner
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. Rita Rudner
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to. Rita Rudner
Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? Rita Rudner
Other dogs look at French Poodles and wonder if they are members of some strange religious cult. Rita Rudner