Rodney Dangerfield Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old Rodney Dangerfield quotes, Rodney Dangerfield sayings, and Rodney Dangerfield proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself. Rodney Dangerfield
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair. Rodney Dangerfield
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met. Rodney Dangerfield
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. Rodney Dangerfield
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too Rodney Dangerfield
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I were happy for 20 years - then we met. Rodney Dangerfield
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. Rodney Dangerfield
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend. Rodney Dangerfield
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. Rodney Dangerfield
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. Rodney Dangerfield
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. Rodney Dangerfield
I'm so ugly. My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet. Rodney Dangerfield
My cousins gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section. Rodney Dangerfield
My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies. Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, wait til it gets warmer. Rodney Dangerfield
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown tie. Rodney Dangerfield
Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution. Rodney Dangerfield
Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot! Rodney Dangerfield
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it. Rodney Dangerfield
My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light. Rodney Dangerfield
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. Rodney Dangerfield
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. Rodney Dangerfield
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me. Rodney Dangerfield
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?' Rodney Dangerfield
My mother had morning sickness after I was born. Rodney Dangerfield
My wife wants sex in the back of the car, and she wants me to drive. Rodney Dangerfield