Rodney Dangerfield Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old Rodney Dangerfield quotes, Rodney Dangerfield sayings, and Rodney Dangerfield proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.'

I tell ya, my wife was never nice to me. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek, she bent over! Rodney Dangerfield
I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires. Rodney Dangerfield
My uncle's dying wish he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair. Rodney Dangerfield
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid. Rodney Dangerfield
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. Rodney Dangerfield
I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it. Rodney Dangerfield
I drink too much. The last time I give a urine sample, it has an olive in it. Rodney Dangerfield
If I could have dinner with anyone who lived in history, it would depend on the restaurant. Rodney Dangerfield
My mother had morning sickness after I was born. Rodney Dangerfield
My psychiatrist told me I’m going crazy. I told him, ‘If you don’t mind I’d like a second opinion.’ He said, ‘All right… you’re ugly too!’ Rodney Dangerfield
I found there was only one way to look thin. Hang out with fat people. Rodney Dangerfield
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. Rodney Dangerfield
In the high school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity, and he threw the teacher out of the window. Rodney Dangerfield
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. Rodney Dangerfield
I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already. Rodney Dangerfield