Terry Pratchett Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old Terry Pratchett quotes, Terry Pratchett sayings, and Terry Pratchett proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.'

Hello, inner child, I'm the inner babysitter. Terry Pratchett
The thing about football - the important thing about football - is that it is not just about football. Terry Pratchett
The whole business with the fossilized dinosaur skeletons was a joke the paleontologists haven't seen yet. This proves two things: Firstly, that God moves in extremely mysterious, not to say, circuitous ways. God does not play dice with the universe; Secondly, the Earth's a Libra. Terry Pratchett
Most modern fantasy just rearranges the furniture in Tolkien's attic. Terry Pratchett
If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter. Terry Pratchett
It's better to ask Santa Claus for a pair of slippers for Christmas rather than peace on earth. You might actually get it. Terry Pratchett
Gnomes live ten times faster than humans. They're harder to see than a high-speed mouse. That's one reason why most humans hardly ever see them. The other is that humans are very good at not seeing things they know aren't there. And, since sensible humans know that there are no such things as people four inches high, a gnome who doesn't want to be seen probably won't be seen... Wings. Terry Pratchett
There's always a story. It's all stories, really. The sun coming up every day is a story. Everything's got a story in it. Change the story, change the world. Terry Pratchett
There was a certain something about the air in the city. You got the feeling that it was air that had seen life. You couldn’t help noting with every breath that thousands of other people were very close to you and nearly all of them had armpits. Terry Pratchett
No, what he didn’t like about heroes was that they were usually suicidally gloomy when sober and homicidally insane when drunk. Terry Pratchett
After all it was only wood. It'd rot in a few hundred years. By the measure of infinity, it hardly existed at all. On average, considered over the lifetime of the multiverse, most things didn't. Terry Pratchett
As every student of exploration knows, the prize goes not to the explorer who first sets foot upon the virgin soil but to the one who gets that foot home first. If it is still attached to his leg this is a bonus. Terry Pratchett
The fastest way to travel is to be there already. Terry Pratchett
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. Terry Pratchett
If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy. Terry Pratchett
Life could be horrible in the wrong trouser of time. Terry Pratchett
The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel. This is essentially the basis of all military thinking. Terry Pratchett
It is a long-cherished tradition among a certain type of military thinker that huge casualties are the main thing. If they are on the other side then this is a valuable bonus. Terry Pratchett
Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized. Terry Pratchett
It occurred to me that at one point it was like I had two diseases — one was Alzheimer’s, and the other was knowing I had Alzheimer’s. Terry Pratchett
Alzheimer’s is me, unwinding, losing trust in myself, a butt of my own jokes, and on bad days capable of playing hunt the slipper by myself and losing. You can't battle it, you can’t be a plucky ‘survivor.’ It steals you from yourself. Terry Pratchett
He said that there was death and taxes, and taxes was worse because at least death didn’t happen to you every year. Terry Pratchett
It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life. Terry Pratchett
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. Terry Pratchett
Science: A way of finding things out and then making them work. Science explains what is happening around us the whole time. So does religion, but science is better because it comes up with more understandable excuses when it's wrong. Terry Pratchett
It's true that some of the most terrible things in the works are done by people who think, genuinely think, that they're doing it for the best, especially if there is some god involved. Terry Pratchett
A good plan isn't one where someone wins, it's where nobody thinks they've lost. Terry Pratchett
The librarians were mysterious. It was said they could tell what book you needed just by looking at you, and they could take your voice away with a word. Terry Pratchett
There are better things in life than alcohol, but alcohol makes up for not having them, Terry Pratchett
He moved in a way that suggested he was attempting the world speed record for the nonchalant walk. Terry Pratchett