W. C. Fields Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old W. C. Fields quotes, W. C. Fields sayings, and W. C. Fields proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. W. C. Fields
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. W. C. Fields
You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it. W. C. Fields
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. W. C. Fields
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get fout of it alive. W. C. Fields
Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live. W. C. Fields
Anything worth having is a thing worth cheating for. W. C. Fields
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it. W. C. Fields
Remember, a dead fish can float down stream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. W. C. Fields
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours. W. C. Fields
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. W. C. Fields
Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no one likes to have to keep one. W. C. Fields
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life. W. C. Fields
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours. W. C. Fields
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. W. C. Fields
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it. W. C. Fields
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. W. C. Fields
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it. W. C. Fields
Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil. W. C. Fields
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do, she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life. W. C. Fields
The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his buttons. W. C. Fields
The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it. W. C. Fields
When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with. W. C. Fields
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. W. C. Fields
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath. W. C. Fields
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. W. C. Fields
Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch. W. C. Fields
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty. W. C. Fields
Women are like elephants to me; I like to look at them, but I wouldn’t want to own one. W. C. Fields
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake. W. C. Fields