Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous
old W. C. Fields quotes, W. C. Fields sayings, and W. C. Fields proverbs, collected over the years from a variety
of sources.'
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.W. C. Fields
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream,
but it takes a live one to swim upstream.W. C. Fields
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.W. C. Fields
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The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.W. C. Fields
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get fout of it alive.W. C. Fields
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.W. C. Fields
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Anything worth having is a thing worth cheating for.W. C. Fields
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.W. C. Fields
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Remember, a dead fish can float down stream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.W. C. Fields
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.W. C. Fields
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.W. C. Fields
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Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no one likes to have to keep one.W. C. Fields
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.W. C. Fields
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.W. C. Fields
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.W. C. Fields
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.W. C. Fields
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The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.W. C. Fields
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.W. C. Fields
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.W. C. Fields
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do, she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.W. C. Fields
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his buttons.W. C. Fields
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.W. C. Fields
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.W. C. Fields
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The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.W. C. Fields
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.W. C. Fields
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.W. C. Fields
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.W. C. Fields
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.W. C. Fields
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Women are like elephants to me; I like to look at them, but I wouldn’t want to own one. W. C. Fields
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.W. C. Fields