Waitress Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old waitress quotes, waitress sayings, and waitress proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

For me, my 20s were all about reaching for the brass ring of work in theater, television, and film, surviving in between by waiting tables, painting houses, serving coffee, and temping. Kate Walsh
I have to clear your table / So I wipe it, it's right to keep it clean / So I clean, yes, I clean / Do you clean? Yes, I clean it / I have to empty ash trays / I empty them, it's right to keep them clean / So I clean, yes, I clean / I'm the queen of the clean / And I'd probably be famous now / If I wasn't such a good waitress / Waitress, waitress, waitress, waitress, waitress. Jane Siberry
She's been on her feet nearly half the damned night / Bringing your beverage and your late night bite / She remains cheerful, when you're nasty and tight / Makes change for a 50 in dim candle light / Ignoring the groping hoping you might / Come across with a tip and sympathize with her plight / Tip that waitress. Loudon Wainwright
Well, a few miles down the road / The lady saw a small cafe / She went in to grab a bite to eat / And then be on her way / But she couldn't help but notice / How the waitress smiled so sweet / And how she must've been eight months along, / And dead on her feet. Jonnie Barnett and Rory Lee
Dear catastrophe waitress / I'm sorry if the kids hold you in cool disregard / I know it's hard / Stick to what you know / You'll blow them all to the wall / When they realize what you've been working for. Bob Kildea; Christopher Geddes; Michael Cooke; et al.
Nighthawks at the diner / Of Emma's 49er, there's a rendezvous / Of strangers around the coffee urn tonight / All the gypsy hacks, the insomniacs / Now the paper's been read / Now the waitress said / Eggs and sausage and a side of toast / Coffee and a roll, hash browns over easy / Chile in a bowl with burgers and fries. Thomas Waits