Dorothy Parker Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old Dorothy Parker quotes, Dorothy Parker sayings, and Dorothy Parker proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses. Dorothy Parker
It turns out that, at social gatherings, as a source of entertainment, conviviality, and good fun, I rank somewhere between a sprig of parsley and a single ice-skate. Dorothy Parker
A single flow’r he sent me, since we met./ All tenderly his messenger he chose; / Deep-hearted, pure, with scented dew still wet — One perfect rose. Dorothy Parker
You can't teach an old dogma new tricks. Dorothy Parker
Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away. Dorothy Parker
I'm never going to accomplish anything; that's perfectly clear to me. I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more. Dorothy Parker
...I have been fed, in my youth, a lot of old wives' tales about the way men would instantly forsake a beautiful woman to flock around a brilliant one. It is but fair to say that, after geting out in the world, I had never seen this happen. Dorothy Parker
How do people go to sleep? I'm afraid I've lost the knack. I might try busting myself smartly over the temple with the nightlight. I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound; if I can remember. Dorothy Parker
Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, can be prolonged to the point where it ceases to excite pity and arouses only irritation. Dorothy Parker
Drink, and dance and laugh and lie… Love the reeling midnight through… For tomorrow we shall die! Dorothy Parker
Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair. Dorothy Parker
The day that I was christened- / It’s a hundred years, and more!- / A hag came and listened / At the white church door, / A-hearing her that bore me / And all my kith and kin / Considerately, for me, / Renouncing sin. / While some gave me corals, / And some gave me gold, / And porringers, with morals / Agreeably scrolled, / The hag stood, buckled / In a dim gray cloak; / Stood there and chuckled, / Spat, and spoke: / “There’s few enough in life’ll / Be needing my help, / But I’ve got a trifle / For your fine young whelp. / I give her sadness, / And the gift of pain, / The new-moon madness, / And the love of rain.” / And little good to lave me / In their holy silver bowl / After what she gave me- / Rest her soul! Dorothy Parker
Down the wind that has beginning Where the crumpled beeches start In a fringe of salty reeds; Dorothy Parker
Some men break your heart in two, / Some men fawn and flatter, / Some men never look at you; / And that cleans up the matter. Dorothy Parker
Four be the things I’d been better without: Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt. Dorothy Parker
I like to have a martini, two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host. Dorothy Parker
Age before beauty, and pearls before swine. Dorothy Parker
Scratch a lover, and find a foe. Dorothy Parker
I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid. Dorothy Parker
I am not sick, I am not well. My quondam dreams are shot to hell. Dorothy Parker
Woman lives but in her lord; / Count to ten, and man is bored. / With this the gist and sum of it, / What earthly good can come of it? Dorothy Parker
London is satisfied, Paris is resigned, but New York is always hopeful. Always it believes that something good is about to come off, and it must hurry to meet it. Dorothy Parker
Every love's the love before in a duller dress. Dorothy Parker
Love is like quicksilver in the hand...Leave the fingers open and it stays in the palm. Clutch it, and it darts away. Dorothy Parker
Not a soul dropped in to see me in my little cubicle in the office for days on end. I finally solved the problem by scratching my name off the door and replacing it with the legend 'Gents’ Room.' Dorothy Parker
Men seldom make passes / At girls who wear glasses. Dorothy Parker
Myrtilla's tripping down the street, / In Easter finery. / The Easter blooms are not more sweet / And radiant-hued than she. Dorothy Parker
By the time you swear you're his, / Shivering and sighing, / And he vows his passion is / Infinite, undying — / One of you is lying. Dorothy Parker
Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair. Dorothy Parker
The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires. Dorothy Parker