Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous
old Garrison Keillor quotes, Garrison Keillor sayings, and Garrison Keillor proverbs, collected over the years from a variety
of sources.'
A man can't eat anger for breakfast and sleep with it at night and not suffer damage to his soul.Garrison Keillor
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A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.Garrison Keillor
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Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.Garrison Keillor
1
A book is a gift you can open again and again.Garrison Keillor
1
Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.Garrison Keillor
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You taught me to be nice, so nice that now I am so full of niceness, I have no sense of right and wrong, no outrage, no passion.Garrison Keillor
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Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.Garrison Keillor
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The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says, 'Daddy, I need to ask you something,' he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan.Garrison Keillor
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Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.Garrison Keillor
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A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm and we all go through it together.Garrison Keillor
1
Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Thank you for the rain. And for the chance to wake up in three hours and go fishing: I thank you for that now, because I won't feel so thankful then.Garrison Keillor
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Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.Garrison Keillor
1
It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.Garrison Keillor
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March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like.Garrison Keillor
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A book is a gift you can open again and again.Garrison Keillor
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Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up.Garrison Keillor
1
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.Garrison Keillor
1
Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.Garrison Keillor
0
You'd learn more about the world by lying on the couch and drinking gin out of a bottle than by watching the news.Garrison Keillor
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Never insult a writer. You may find yourself immortalized in ways you may not appreciate.Garrison Keillor
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March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like.Garrison Keillor
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A good newspaper is never quite good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever.Garrison Keillor
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Every show is your last show. That's my philosophy.Garrison Keillor
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Pumpkin pie is a living symbol of mediocrity. The best pumpkin pie you ever ate wasn't all that much different from the worst pumpkin pie you ever ate.Garrison Keillor
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Pumpkin pie is a living symbol of mediocrity. The best pumpkin pie you ever ate wasn't all that much different from the worst pumpkin pie you ever ate.Garrison Keillor
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Some of us have a relentless urge to attempt what we can never be good at and neglect our true calling.Garrison Keillor
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Majestic doesn't appeal to us. We like the Grand Canyon better with Clarence and Arlene parked in front of it, smiling.Garrison Keillor
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Sometimes you have to avoid mentioning things because people's feelings are tender.Garrison Keillor
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There's no mastery to be had. You love the attempt. You don't master a story any more than you master a river. You feel lucky to canoe down it.Garrison Keillor
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The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.Garrison Keillor
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