Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous
old Groucho Marx quotes, Groucho Marx sayings, and Groucho Marx proverbs, collected over the years from a variety
of sources.'
He goes around with a mustache. I go around with a mustache; Don't you think a mustache can get lonely?Groucho Marx
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Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?Groucho Marx
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.Groucho Marx
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No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.Groucho Marx
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When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.'Groucho Marx
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I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions—the curtain was up. Groucho Marx
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.Groucho Marx
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.Groucho Marx
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[He] may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you: He really is an idiot.Groucho Marx
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I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.Groucho Marx
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I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.Groucho Marx
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A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.Groucho Marx
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Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.Groucho Marx
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I find television to be very educating. Everytime somebody turns on the set, I go in the other room and read a book.Groucho Marx
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.Groucho Marx
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.Groucho Marx
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Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.Groucho Marx
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Last night I had a typical cholesterol-free dinner: baked squash, skimmed milk and gelatin. I'm sure this will not make me live any longer, but I know it's going to seem longer.Groucho Marx
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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.Groucho Marx
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You're only as young as the woman you feel.Groucho Marx
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When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.Groucho Marx
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Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. Groucho Marx
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.Groucho Marx
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I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go in the other room and read a book.Groucho Marx
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I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.Groucho Marx
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.Groucho Marx
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves but you are just a dirty liar.Groucho Marx
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Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book and does.Groucho Marx