Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous
old Phyllis Diller quotes, Phyllis Diller sayings, and Phyllis Diller proverbs, collected over the years from a variety
of sources.'
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.Phyllis Diller
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.Phyllis Diller
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.Phyllis Diller
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The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.Phyllis Diller
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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.Phyllis Diller
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Your husband is lazy if coffee doesn't keep him awake - even when it's hot and being spilled on him.Phyllis Diller
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Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.Phyllis Diller
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.Phyllis Diller
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I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.Phyllis Diller
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.Phyllis Diller
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We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 months teaching them to sit down and shut up.Phyllis Diller
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Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.Phyllis Diller
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.Phyllis Diller
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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.Phyllis Diller
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I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.Phyllis Diller
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Mothers-in-law do not make good house pets. Once I had the most wonderful dream i dreamed that mothers-in-law cost money and I couldn't afford one.Phyllis Diller
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The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.Phyllis Diller
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The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.Phyllis Diller
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What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.Phyllis Diller
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.Phyllis Diller
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.Phyllis Diller
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I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn't show the dirt.Phyllis Diller
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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.Phyllis Diller
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.Phyllis Diller
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.Phyllis Diller
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.Phyllis Diller
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.Phyllis Diller
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.Phyllis Diller
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.Phyllis Diller
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A smile is a curve that sets things straight.Phyllis Diller