Phyllis Diller Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old Phyllis Diller quotes, Phyllis Diller sayings, and Phyllis Diller proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.'

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? Phyllis Diller
Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance? Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. Phyllis Diller
If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies! Phyllis Diller
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. Phyllis Diller
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity. Phyllis Diller
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual. Phyllis Diller
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight Phyllis Diller
All mothers are working mothers. Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once Phyllis Diller
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. Phyllis Diller
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. Phyllis Diller
If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough. Phyllis Diller
All mothers are working mothers. Phyllis Diller
Your husband drinks too much if he says he never drinks alone, but considers the goldfish somebody. Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. Phyllis Diller
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. Phyllis Diller
Whatever you look like, marry a man your own age; As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller
I don't know how you feel about old age, but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear. Phyllis Diller
I'm at the age when my back goes out more than I do. Phyllis Diller
It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through its beak. Phyllis Diller
Anytime three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed. Phyllis Diller
It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser. Phyllis Diller
We went all out with new things for our first child and the second one had nothing but hand-me-downs. The bronzed baby shoes almost killed him. Phyllis Diller
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. Phyllis Diller
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. Phyllis Diller
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. Phyllis Diller