Erma Bombeck Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old Erma Bombeck quotes, Erma Bombeck sayings, and Erma Bombeck proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. Erma Bombeck
Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial. Erma Bombeck
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. Erma Bombeck
Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it. Erma Bombeck
Housework, if you do it right, will kill you. Erma Bombeck
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. Erma Bombeck
It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line. Erma Bombeck
I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle. Erma Bombeck
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. Erma Bombeck
Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity. Erma Bombeck
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. Erma Bombeck
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. Erma Bombeck
Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely. Erma Bombeck
It's frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style. Erma Bombeck
Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide. Erma Bombeck
When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway. Erma Bombeck
Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely. Erma Bombeck
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. Erma Bombeck
What if they mispronounce my last name and everyone laughs? What if my teacher doesn't make her D's like Mom taught me? What if I spend the whole day without a friend? Erma Bombeck
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. Erma Bombeck
Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. Erma Bombeck
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. Erma Bombeck
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with white carpet is one of them. Erma Bombeck
Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain loving one another. Erma Bombeck
Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated. Erma Bombeck
If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle. Erma Bombeck
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. Erma Bombeck
What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving? Erma Bombeck
Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. Erma Bombeck
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with the car battery. Erma Bombeck