Erma Bombeck Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old Erma Bombeck quotes, Erma Bombeck sayings, and Erma Bombeck proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. Erma Bombeck
What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving? Erma Bombeck
Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain loving one another. Erma Bombeck
When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty "just adding water." Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better. Erma Bombeck
Any mother with half a skull knows that when Daddy's little boy becomes Mommy's little boy, the kid is so wet he's treading water. Erma Bombeck
Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children. Erma Bombeck
My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us. Erma Bombeck
I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up in a sink shaped like a seashell. Erma Bombeck
On vacations. We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings. Erma Bombeck
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone? Erma Bombeck
Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born. Erma Bombeck
No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. Erma Bombeck
Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments. Erma Bombeck
The day of worship would be Monday, what else? Erma Bombeck
The day of worship would be Monday, what else? Erma Bombeck
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. Erma Bombeck
Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born. Erma Bombeck
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. Erma Bombeck
The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another’s desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together. Erma Bombeck
Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born. Erma Bombeck
When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway. Erma Bombeck
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. Erma Bombeck
You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4th, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism. Erma Bombeck
Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say 'What light?' and two more to say, 'I didn't turn it on.' Erma Bombeck
When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" It's a mere formality. It doesn't matter is you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway. Erma Bombeck
Children make your life important. Erma Bombeck
My children refused to eat anything that hadn't danced on TV. Erma Bombeck
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. Erma Bombeck
Cats invented self-esteem. Erma Bombeck
No doubt about it... every day in every way my game grows stronger. I saw one enthusiast the other day playing with his racket out of the press. I'll have to try that. Erma Bombeck