Erma Bombeck Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old Erma Bombeck quotes, Erma Bombeck sayings, and Erma Bombeck proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: "Checkout Time is 18 years." Erma Bombeck
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is. Erma Bombeck
Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it's on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw. Erma Bombeck
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me. Erma Bombeck
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of surprises. Erma Bombeck
A child develops individuality long before he develops taste. I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory— an empty bottle of gin. Erma Bombeck
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. Erma Bombeck