Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin

• 1
• Copy

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. George Carlin

• 1
• Copy

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. George Carlin

• 1
• Copy

Electricity is really just organized lightning. George Carlin

• 2
• Copy

Electricity is really just organized lightning. George Carlin

• 0
• Copy

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. George Carlin

• 1
• Copy

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? George Carlin

• 0
• Copy

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain. George Carlin

• 1
• Copy

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. George Carlin

• 0
• Copy

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws (at most an occasional visit to the cemetery) George Carlin

• 0
• Copy

Electricity is really just organized lightning. George Carlin

• 0
• Copy

Electricity is really just organized lightning. George Carlin

• 1
• Copy

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin

• 0
• Copy

Griddle cakes, pancakes, hot cakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love? George Carlin

• 0
• Copy

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. George Carlin

• 0
• Copy

Don't just teach your kids to read, teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything. George Carlin

• 0
• Copy

Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands. George Carlin

• 0
• Copy

We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket. George Carlin

• 1
• Copy

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin

• 1
• Copy

Rhetoric paints with a broad brush. George Carlin

• 0
• Copy

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established. George Carlin

• 0
• Copy

No comment is a comment. George Carlin

• 0
• Copy

Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement. George Carlin

• 0
• Copy

If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase. George Carlin

• 0
• Copy

Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. George Carlin

• 0
• Copy

Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. George Carlin

• 0
• Copy

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin

• 0
• Copy

Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast. George Carlin

• 0
• Copy

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. George Carlin

• 0
• Copy

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam. George Carlin

• 0
• Copy