Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous
old George Carlin quotes, George Carlin sayings, and George Carlin proverbs, collected over the years from a variety
of sources.'
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?George Carlin
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Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.George Carlin
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Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.George Carlin
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.George Carlin
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.George Carlin
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.George Carlin
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When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?George Carlin
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.George Carlin
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There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.George Carlin
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Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws (at most an occasional visit to the cemetery)George Carlin
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.George Carlin
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.George Carlin
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?George Carlin
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Griddle cakes, pancakes, hot cakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love?George Carlin
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.George Carlin
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Don't just teach your kids to read, teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.George Carlin
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Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.George Carlin
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We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket.George Carlin
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.George Carlin
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.George Carlin
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.George Carlin
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No comment is a comment.George Carlin
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.George Carlin
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If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.George Carlin
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.George Carlin
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Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.George Carlin
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.George Carlin
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.George Carlin
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.George Carlin
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.George Carlin