Woody Allen Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old Woody Allen quotes, Woody Allen sayings, and Woody Allen proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

I believe in God, Miriam. I know it. Because, without God the world is a cesspool. Woody Allen
I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak. Woody Allen
Where I grew up in Brooklyn, nobody committed suicide. Everyone was too unhappy. Woody Allen
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have. Woody Allen
I like to be watched while I clone. The more the merrier, you know. Never, never - never clone alone. Woody Allen
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Woody Allen
The only love that lasts is unrequited love. Woody Allen
I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me. Woody Allen
My back is just killing me. I don't know what I've done to it. I've had it x-rayed, I've been to my chiropractor, I had a shiatsu massage, I've been. Woody Allen
The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep. Woody Allen
Eighty percent of success is showing up. Woody Allen
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. Woody Allen
The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep. Woody Allen
The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won’t get much sleep. Woody Allen
Eighty percent of success is showing up. Woody Allen
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. Woody Allen
In times of great stress sometimes ghost appears. Woody Allen
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. Woody Allen
There's only one kind of love that lasts--unrequited love. It stays with you forever. Woody Allen
My wife and I thought we were in love--but it turned out to be benign. Woody Allen
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable as one's hat keeps blowing off. Woody Allen
The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone. Woody Allen
The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more. Woody Allen
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday Night. Woody Allen
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. Woody Allen
I wanted to be an Olympic swimmer but I had some problems with buoyancy. Woody Allen
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering—and it's all over much too soon. Woody Allen
When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back. Woody Allen
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. Woody Allen