Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous
old Woody Allen quotes, Woody Allen sayings, and Woody Allen proverbs, collected over the years from a variety
of sources.'
I believe in God, Miriam. I know it. Because, without God the world is a cesspool.Woody Allen
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I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.Woody Allen
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Where I grew up in Brooklyn, nobody committed suicide. Everyone was too unhappy.Woody Allen
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For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have. Woody Allen
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I like to be watched while I clone. The more the merrier, you know. Never, never - never clone alone.Woody Allen
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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.Woody Allen
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The only love that lasts is unrequited love.Woody Allen
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I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me.Woody Allen
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My back is just killing me. I don't know what I've done to it. I've had it x-rayed, I've been to my chiropractor, I had a shiatsu massage, I've been.Woody Allen
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The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.Woody Allen
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Eighty percent of success is showing up.Woody Allen
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I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.Woody Allen
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The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep. Woody Allen
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The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won’t get much sleep.Woody Allen
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Eighty percent of success is showing up.Woody Allen
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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.Woody Allen
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In times of great stress sometimes ghost appears.Woody Allen
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I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.Woody Allen
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There's only one kind of love that lasts--unrequited love. It stays with you forever.Woody Allen
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My wife and I thought we were in love--but it turned out to be benign.Woody Allen
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More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.Woody Allen
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It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable as one's hat keeps blowing off.Woody Allen
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The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.Woody Allen
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The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.Woody Allen
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Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday Night.Woody Allen
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I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.Woody Allen
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I wanted to be an Olympic swimmer but I had some problems with buoyancy.Woody Allen
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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering—and it's all over much too soon. Woody Allen
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When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.Woody Allen
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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.Woody Allen