Evan Esar Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old Evan Esar quotes, Evan Esar sayings, and Evan Esar proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.'

When it comes to homework, most schoolchildren like to do nothing better. Evan Esar
Half the parents who do their children's homework for them shouldn't; the other half can't. Evan Esar
A beautiful blonde is chemically three-fourths water, but what lovely surface tension! Evan Esar
One of the things a boy learns with a chemistry set is that he'll never get another. Evan Esar
Sex appeal is a matter of chemistry, but you don't have to be a chemist to find the formula. Evan Esar
The car was invented as a convenient place to sit out traffic jams. Evan Esar
What every drunk needs is to get more blood into his alcohol. Evan Esar
Drink should be given to stream the man who is given to drink. Evan Esar
The difference between a cow and a baby is that a cow drinks water to make milk while a baby drinks milk. Evan Esar
The land of milk and honey has its drawbacks: you can get kicked another man who is always by a cow and stung by a bee forging his way ahead is the counterfeiter. Evan Esar
Two heads are better than one, unless you have a hangover. Evan Esar
No one gets a hangover from other people's drinking. Evan Esar
Man is the control experiment of heredity and environment; and since his heredity controls him, he tries to control his environment. Evan Esar
There's only one way to improve your memory, and that's to lengthen it. Evan Esar
A fault-finder is a person with a bad memory who never remembers the good, or with a good memory who always remembers the bad. Evan Esar
A memory expert remembers everything, including many things he ought to forget. Evan Esar
Some people have wonderful memories: they can't remember what they worried about yesterday. Evan Esar
A good way to cure a bad memory is by lending small sums to your fiends. Evan Esar
When some people lose face, they feel worse but look better. Evan Esar
A woman's face is her fortune---or misfortune. Evan Esar
The more beautiful a girl's face, the less a man can tell you what clothes she has on. Evan Esar
Many woman has the kind of face that grows on a man instead of the kind that should grow on a woman. Evan Esar
The face that over cocktails seemed so sweet, is less alluring over shredded wheat. Evan Esar
A well-adjusted person is one who can play golf and bridge as if they were games. Evan Esar
If you watch a game, it's fun; if you play it, it's recreation; if you work at it, it's golf. Evan Esar
What some people enjoy most about table tennis is stepping on the ball. Evan Esar
It's not how much you gain between Christmas and New Year's that counts, it's how much you gain between New Year's and Christmas. Evan Esar
Many a man whose wife deserts him, throws himself on the mercy of a quart. Evan Esar
When a woman complains that her photographs don't do her justice, what she wants isn't justice, but mercy. Evan Esar
Nowadays the quality of mercy is not only strained, but also tenderized, sterilized, and homogenized. Evan Esar